Let me tell you how I out thieved these two thieves at work.

kiloueka:

wishcircuit:

So I work a retail job on top of many other jobs, and these two girls were in and out of my store at least 8 times. Which is sketchy and pretty much a give away that they were quite obviously stealing things, I’d see them stick their hands in their pockets or in their bags, but I was the only person at work today so I couldn’t stop checking people out in order to confront them…..which im sure they noticed.

Fast forward a few hours when they finally come back in, they had decided to purchase something to seem less suspicious. A 4$ pair of pearl earrings. At this point there is no one else in the store so I think Game On.

While they were scanning the shelves for anything else they might want, I’m looking at their pockets. I can clearly see the small ring through the fabric that they swiped earlier, the outline of tags shoved in their back pockets, amateurs.

Now for those of you that don’t know, I was stranded in Ireland for about a month with little to no money when I was a teenager and had to resort to being shady to get by till my cousin got me a ticket home. 

Long story short, I am an excellent pick pocket. But I only use my powers for good instead of evil now. 

So I followed them around the store pretending to bump into them as I put items back on the shelves, I stole NOT ONLY the product that they took, but everything in their back pockets. Now before you wag your finger at me just hold on a minute. They come to the register to get the one item they decided to pay for, and I’m smiling the whole time.

 I tell them they price and then…I wait. 

The one girl frantically patted her pockets, clearly confused and she looked at the other girl to ask “Where’s my money at?”  This girl is clearly upset at this point and I suggested “Oh hey maybe you dropped it?” in the most sincere retail voice I can force my vocal cords to produce. Her and her friend drop to their knees and start searching for it. I let them continue like that for 10 minutes before I tell them that I had found it earlier and forgotten. 

“You really should be careful the more you have in your pockets the easier it is for your money to fall out :)))))” I say, the statement unnerved them, they didn’t know if i KNEW or not. But they awkwardly shook it off with a laugh and I start to ring up the earrings again. BUT THIS TIME, I reach over the counter and start to ring up the items I had taken from their pockets. I dropped the tags on the counter and the merchandise hit the table hard, just like these girls mouths hit the floor. 

You should have seen their faces it looked like someone had sucked the very essence right from their bodies. “Oh no she did not.” The one girl whispered as she checked her pockets yet again. Yes, Yes I did :) i’m beaming, their reaction added ten years to my lifespan. They apologize, laughing it off like it was a funny joke. But I’m not done yet.This time I look them dead in the eyes and go “Would you like me to ring out whats in your bags too before security gets here?” 

Shock, pure dismay and anguish come over them, they look at each other. Each of them looks at me like I have personally came and shot their dogs. I AM LIVING, I’m reveling in the situation. Slowly, they lift their bags and dump out more products than Mary Poppins could shove in her bottomless purse. I start ringing it all up. They look horrified. A total of 400$ worth of items. I hold the fate of these girls in my hands and they know it. Over 200$ is a felony larceny charge. But I think they have suffered enough and jail is not fun so I present the ultimatum. 

“You buy it all and I’ll let you go.” 

and that is how I made all my sales goals and fucked with some shoplifters. 

Holy shit ur my idol, that was so beautiful I might cry

imkiwhereslevi:

attract:

spiritofthewhale:

yasgawd:

vaginal hygiene & health - an introductory crash course



pass this on to spread knowledge whether you have one or not, #save-a-coochie

- the vagina is the tubular ‘internal’ sex organ that some people have.
- the ‘vulva’ is the set of external sex organs that people with vaginas have. it includes (but not only):

  • pubic mound 
  • labia minora and majora (inner/outer ‘lips’)
  • clitoris and clitoral hood 
  • vulval vestibule (found in between your labia minora)
  • urethra (where you urinate from)
  • vaginal opening

-vaginas naturally contain a balance of different bacterias. this bacteria protects the vagina from external bacteria and fungus, provides natural disinfectants and maintains a healthy vaginal pH of 3.5-4.5.

-vaginal pH varies from person to person, day to day, depending on your cycle, your diet and many other external factors,

-all vaginas have a scent. all of them. no two people smell exactly the same, and you shouldn’t expect your vagina (or anyone else’s) to smell fruity or floral.

- if your worried about your scent, you can place perfume or an essential oil to an area around your vulva but not on it. some places like between your thighs or on your lower stomach, for example,

-your body secretes natural fluids called discharge. discharge is how your vagina self cleanses. it is completely normal and vital to healthy vaginal function.

-discharge can vary in amount, color, texture and scent depending on your cycle. each person is different. if your discharge is unusual or abnormal to you and your unique body - visit a doctor if possible.

-abnormal discharge can be green, grey, very yellow, smelly, itchy, chunky, etc.

-abundant discharge can be annoying. you can remove excess discharge in your shower by inserting one clean finger into your vagina, moving it from one side to another and ‘scooping’ the discharge out. repeat as needed. this reduces the amount of discharge found on your panties and in turn, reduces vaginal scent.

- dead skin cells and oil can build up between your clitoris and your clitoral hood, so it’s important to lift your hood up and rinse thoroughly so it doesnt harden. 

-washing your “external” vulvar areas such as your public mound and outer lips is okay, though some may find skin here more sensitive.

-don’t douche. you may think it helps but it only masks any problems while causing more. douching throws of your flora, alters your PH and forces bacteria into your cervix.

-water and a soft, clean wash cloth is all you need to clean your vulvar areas that contain a mucous membrane. you do not need to wash these areas. applying soaps or cleaners to these areas removes of natural necessary lubricants and bacteria. this may cause irritation, inflammation, major discomfort and dryness. some amount of moistness should always be present.

-a vast majority of vaginal washes, even those touted as hypoallergenic, still contain dyes and fragrances which are known irritants. read the label.

-while Summer’s eve is a lesser of evils with a PH of 3.0 - 3.5 (still not quite correct), it is still a cleanser. vaginal washes are used to cleanse “bad” bacteria from your vulva. they also wash away the “good” bacteria needed to maintain a healthy balance.

-castile soaps (like Dr. Bronner’s) has a pH of about 8.9. these are not suggested.

-never insert any cleansing agents into your vagina.

-the information above applies to any gels, deodorants, perfumed products and wipes, too. these can all disturb your natural balance.

-while they still pose a possible risk of irritation, unscented baby wipes are the lesser of evils regarding “freshening up”.

-pay attention to your irritants and triggers. different people, different reactions

-everyone has different stances and different methods that work for them. if you aren’t experiencing vaginal discomfort or odd changes, you don’t have to discontinue certain product use. i do, however, recommend a trial period of leaving these products alone due to their effects on your vagina.

-allow your vagina to breathe. keep too-tight clothing to a minimum. cotton panties are the best option next to not wearing any at all.
rotate the washcloth and towels you use to clean and dry your vagina.

-urinating after masturbation or sex reduces the amount of bacteria in your urethra wiping ‘front to back’ keeps rectal bacterial away from your vagina.

-naturally, food alters your vagina. balancing your diet in general and including things like pineapples, strawberries, yogurt, soy (the list goes on!) can influence your pH.

-beverages like water, cranberry juice and pineapple juice are also proven to improve vaginal health, and may even improve taste.

-adding a probiotic supplement can increase the amount of “good” bacteria called lactobacillus-your vagina.

-the less ideal your vaginal balance/pH is, the more vulnerable you are to infections and STDs.

-when it comes to internet home remedies, your mileage my vary. try everything with caution and research thoroughly.

cheers! your vagina will thank you.

Please don’t be an immature 12 year old and be like “ew that’s about a vagina I’m not reblogging that that’s gross!”
It is literally a body part
It needs to be kept healthy
People with vaginas need to understand how to keep them healthy
Just reblog

this means so much bc no one ever taught me this shit so bless u if u reblog this

✨

periegesisvoid:

actuallyrealenjolras:

sarcasticsabreur:

relatableed:

bleed-in-ink:

Constantly torn between “if I show symptoms I’m real and valid” and “I can’t show any symptoms because then I’ll be a bother so I have to internalize everything.”

Dont forget “if I can control my symptoms are they still valid”

And “if I show symptoms I’m manipulating the people around me”

Also “if I don’t show symptoms at any given moment I’m lying about having a mental illness and everything is an overreaction”

“If I know it’s irrational does it count”